Australian tennis star Nick Kyrgios has revealed he struggled with depression on the Tour due to the physical demands and expectation placed upon him.
The controversy-stricken player shed light on his personal issues for the first time during an interview with News Corp. Kyrgios has a reputation as being the ‘bad boy’ of the sport given the various fines he has received, as well as a suspended ban from the ATP Tour for ‘aggravated behaviour.’ Incidents he has received fines for include throwing a chair onto the court at the Italian Open and throwing a racket outside of the court at Queen’s in London.
Despite the controversy, he has also been regarded as one of tennis’ brightest talents. A two-time Grand Slam quarter-finalist he has scored wins over both Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal. So far in his career he has won six ATP titles. Opening up about his journey in the sport, the 25-year-old says he previous declaration that he didn’t enjoy playing tennis stemmed from the constant pressure he faced.
“When I was struggling – and it wasn’t just about tennis – there were moments when I was seriously depressed,” said Kyrgios.
“I remember waking up in Shanghai one year and it was 4pm and I was still in bed, curtains closed. I didn’t want to see the light of day.
“I felt like no-one wanted to know me as a person, they just wanted to get a hold of me as a tennis player and use me. I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone. It was a lonely, dark place. And things came from that.
“A lot of people were putting pressure on me, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I just lost joy for the game and I was spiralling out of control. I fell into depression because of the things I thought I had to be. I was afraid to go out and talk to people because I thought I’d let them down because I wasn’t winning matches.”
Kyrgios goes on to talk about how lonely the sport can be for players like him due to the worldwide travel requirements. The ATP Tour usually takes place between January and November but only the first month of the calendar is in his home country of Australia.
It is for this reason why the world No.45 is relishing his extended stay at home due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Unlike his peers, Kyrgios passed on travelling to North America and Europe earlier this year due to health-related concerns. Something that compatriot Ash Barty also did.
“On tour there’s a seven-month block when I don’t get to see my family or be home, so I’m really taking advantage of everything going on at the moment,” he said.
“I don’t think people understand how lonely tennis can be. You’re out there on the court on your own. You can’t really talk to anyone. You have to figure things out for yourself. I did struggle with that.”
Describing himself as an ‘emotional tennis player,’ Kyrgios says he is missing playing on the Tour but he isn’t obsessed about it. Highlighting his somewhat complicated relationship with tennis.
“Nothing beats playing in some of the best parts of the world against tough opponents and doing all the work off the court to have success. I’m definitely missing it. But I don’t live and breathe tennis,” he explained.
“I know my tennis career will come to an end, and I’m OK with that. I’m not going to say I could have worked harder, played more tournaments, done this or that. I love being at home with my family and my girlfriend, and working with my foundation and helping the community. There are plenty of other things I love doing.”
Kyrgios is aiming to return to action at the start of next year in time for the Australian Open.