Former Swedish Tennis star Robin Soderling has spoken out about how he struggled with panic attacks which contributed towards his decision to step away from the sport.
The 35-year-old achieved a ranking high of fourth during his career and is best known as being the first player to defeat Rafael Nadal at the French Open after stunning the Spaniard back in 2009. However, he was also dealing with his own mental demons as he rose to prominence in the sport. Speaking to Radio Sweden, Soderling revealed that he struggled with his mental health prior to being diagnosed with mononucleosis, which forced him to retire at the age of 31.
“I had constant anxiety, it gnawed at me inside. I sat in the apartment and stared blankly, the smallest noise made me panic. When a letter fell on the doormat, I panicked so much that I fell to the floor. The phone rang I was shaking with fear,” he told the radio station.
Soderling said his problems with anxiety started shortly after his win over Nadal in 2009, which catapulted him to the limelight. The increased expectation made the Swede feel that he had to live up to high expectations.
“There were only three players I could lose to,” he said in reference to the Big Three. “The rest I had to beat them, if I would feel bad, a failure, a loser.”
During his career the two-time Grand Slam finalist won 10 titles on the ATP Tour with five of those titles occurring after he defeated Nadal at Roland Garros. It was in 2010 when he achieved his ranking high and won his only Masters 1000 title in Bercy, France.
Solderling’s last match on the Tour took place on home territory at the 2011 Swedish Open. In the final he roared to a 6-2, 6-2, win over David Ferrer to end his career on a high. At the time he was yet to be diagnosed with mononucleosis and hadn’t come to a decision to retire from the sport. Shortly after that final he returned back to his home in Monte Carlo where he started to struggle once again.
“I panicked, I started crying. I was crying and crying. I went back to the hotel and threw myself on the bed, every time I thought about going on the court, I panicked. For the first time I felt that regardless of how much I wanted, I couldn’t, not even if they put a gun to my temple,” he recounted.
In a frank revelation during the interview, Solderling said at his worst he even ‘googled how to commit suicide’ but never intended to. He says his thoughts at the time was ‘anything was better than this life in hell.’
Solderling hopes by opening up about his mental health battle it is a topic he believes is ‘rarely’ talked about in sport. Few players have openly talked about their own personal problems.
“It is very rare to talk about the psychic problems that great athletes have in sports and this is why I wanted to take a step forward and talk about it. To those who dedicate themselves to sport and their entire environment I tell them to train hard and take it very easy. From here I tell them to play sports because they feel comfortable doing it and not because of pressure. If you are succeeding, try to keep the perspective and try not to be affected much. If you succeed, everything will be fine,” he concludes.
Soderling is currently the captain of the Swedish Davis Cup team.
