INDIAN WELLS – Is Roger Federer the most beloved player for real? What would the tennis world be like if Stan Wawrinka wasn’t joking in calling him an expletive? Murray and Djokovic decide to go on vacation, Kerber is back at number one without even realizing it and Vesnina prevails in an all-Russian final.
In one of the most memorable trophy presentations in recent years, an emotional Stan Wawrinka (Grade: B) looked at his countryman Roger Federer (Grade: A+) who was sitting courtside laughing and trying to cheer up his good old friend. The tone of Wawrinka’s post-match speech immediately became more light-hearted. “I would like to congratulate Roger. He’s laughing. He’s an asshole, but it’s OK,” Wawrinka said, causing much hilarity among the 16,000 spectators that attended Sunday’s final at the Indian Wells Tennis Garden.
Roger Federer is famous for being one of the nicest athletes among his fellow tennis players and devoted fans, but wouldn’t it be comical if Stan Wawrinka was seriously calling him an expletive? Federer himself said he’d heard it “many, many times before” in a joking way, so let’s imagine a hypothetic tennis world in which Roger Federer was for real considered the [bleep] as we assess what happened during the last two weeks in Indian Wells.
We could start whining about how Roger’s success is only due to fortunate circumstances. We could argue that in his first few successful years on the tour he virtually won everything because his main competition was represented by Gonzalez, Roddick and Blake, while the only talented opponent – Marat Safin – was distracted by the off-court “commitments”. As soon as Rafa Nadal (Grade: D-) showed up, it was game over. We could also argue that today Roger is back in the winners’ circle simply because his main rivals are broken, exhausted or no longer interested. Both Andy Murray (Grade: F) and Novak Djokovic (Grade: F) might soon discover Roger’s hidden secret: Perhaps they will call in sick for six months and then come back as rested and cheerful as ever.
After more than 15 years, we could probably sound like a broken record: The [bleep] is now winning big titles again because Nadal has been playing short, Djokovic has a new obsession for a certain “guru” while enjoying the good life, and Murray has gone back to his older self after a year above his true level. And Wawrinka? At the end of the day, what kind of player is Wawrinka? A player that wins against everyone but then melts in front of His Majesty.
The [bleep] is also preventing a new generation of “phenomenal” players from making it big. This tournament should have belonged to Nick Kyrgios (Grade: B-), had the Australian not devoured all those potato chips at every changeover. It could also have been Jack Sock’s breakthrough tournament (Grade: B), had the American forgotten how to imitate Andy Roddick when facing Roger Federer. A few distracted Italian fans might think that Fabio Fognini (Grade: C) is utterly upset with Pablo Cuevas (Grade: B-) for reaching the quarters, or with Carreno Busta (Grade: B) for making it all the way to the semi-finals. Sorry to disappoint you, but Fabio couldn’t care less.
Federer, Federer and again Federer! So boring! Everybody continues to exclusively talk about the [bleep], even though the tour is so filled with other exciting storylines, like those of Kei Nishikori (Grade: F) and Tomas Berdych (Grade: F) – two players that always rise to the occasion when the opportunity presents itself!? In conclusion, Roger the [bleep] overshadowed everybody this past fortnight, including the up-and-coming Nishioka (Grade: B), Juan Martin del Potro (Grade: D-) with his 500th attempt at resurrection, and Grigor Dimitrov (Grade: F) with his newly found form.
At this point we all wonder: When is the [bleep] finally retiring? That way we would have time to enjoy more women’s tennis, which is so bubbly and bursting with talent like ever before! On today’s WTA tour, a veteran such as Svetlana Kuznetsova (Grade: B) can still be a major factor, but we always should keep in mind that she is 6-7 years younger than we think she is. We surely can’t be surprised by the fact that Elena Vesnina (Grade: A) was the last woman standing in such a prestigious tournament, while Angelique Kerber (Grade: F) is once again the world number one. We don’t think she realizes it.
After all, Stan Wawrinka wasn’t completely out of line: Roger Federer is indeed the biggest [bleep] and will possibly never retire. Should this happen, it will be just another one of his [bleep] tricks.
Written by Antonio Garofalo
(Article translation provided by T&L Global – Translation & Language Solutions – www.t-lglobal.com)
